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This article is written in perspective of a perfectionist aiming to create an open dialogue around mental health, stress and burnout.
As well as where those three things intersect. Because this can certainly apply to someone who suffers from panic disorder, anxiety, depression and PTSD. Thus, I hope that this article is able to create constructive conversation regarding the above and hopefully you will be more prepared to take the world head on!
And here is where perfectionism enters the picture. While it may not appear to be a very “big thing” in terms of our mental health, it is. Perfectionism is something I battle with on a personal level, so I’ve seen the devastation it can cause to our well-being. Perfectionism is especially troubling, according to Vox, “because it has been linked to a variety of mental health issues — a meta-analysis of 284 studies found that high levels of perfectionism were correlated with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, deliberate self-harm, and obsessive-compulsive disorder.” The persistent burden of striving for perfection can leave people exhausted, anxious, and prone to headaches and insomnia.”
One way perfectionism presents itself is through the perpetuation of an unsustainable I-can-do-it-all mentality. We overburden ourselves and tell ourselves that success involves getting everything done — and done flawlessly — without taking breaks, asking for help, or giving up. As a working professional, perfectionism occasionally manifests itself in my work, with ideas such as… What if my essay isn’t good enough? What if I don’t deserve this chance? When I express my concerns to my superior, he says it’s just a “perfectionist flare up,” which sometimes helps me put some distance between myself and my perfectionistic thoughts.
It’s more difficult to “snap out” of my perfectionism at other times. My self-esteem suffered significantly last week, for example, when I made the difficult decision to leave grad school. To be honest, I felt relieved as soon as I made the decision. Juggling school, a job, and the hundreds of other unrelated activities I’m interested in just wasn’t going to work. I was on the verge of burnout, if not already burned out, and I knew something had to give. Even though I knew this was the best decision for me, I couldn’t help but feel humiliated… because I’m not showing to the world that I can do it all. Wearing millions of hats feels like a badge of honor for people with my strain of perfectionism, even if it actually wears us down.
Indeed, the great irony of perfectionism is that it almost always backfires, preventing us from attaining our genuine objectives. On The Conversation, researchers Dr. Simon Sherry and Martin M. Smith write, “Pursuing perfection — a goal that is intangible, fleeting and rare — may result in a higher rate of failures and a lower rate of successes that leaves perfectionists more likely to neurotically stew about their imperfections and less likely to conscientiously pursue their goals,” Perfectionism has increased significantly over the last 25 years, according to Sherry and Smith, with millennials grappling with it more than prior generations.
There are plenty of variables at work. According to some study, the growth of helicopter parenting, also known as success-focused parenting, has resulted in more children never feeling capable of meeting their parents’ expectations – a sensation that can last into adulthood. Then there’s social media, which can easily lead to unhealthy comparisons and, as a result, perfectionist tendencies. After all, it’s easy to believe we don’t measure up when we’re constantly assaulted with “flawless” photographs on our feeds and the perpetual highlight reel of other people’s triumphs.
While perfectionism is a year-round issue, it is the most triggering season for me. This time of year, my mailbox is overflowing with holiday cards touting the senders’ allegedly wonderful lifestyles. Meanwhile, I’m continually bombarded with queries that seem to be specifically designed to provoke the “not enough” syndrome: “How much do you make?” “How come you don’t have any children?” “You know, you’ve gained some weight.”
Faced with all of this, I had to take a step back and ask myself, “Who am I trying so hard to impress, and is it worth it?” Perfectionism depletes my mind and body; I’m more prone to panic episodes and running myself so ragged that I’m always unwell. Clearly, the answer is no – the high expectations I frequently set for myself are not worth it. Internalizing this insight as a recovered perfectionist does not happen immediately. But, little by little, I’m realizing that putting my physical and emotional health first is the most “perfect” thing I can do.
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